Difficult Conversations: You shouldn’t be aggressive but you need to be firm

 

So often I find Leaders not wanting to have those difficult conversations, and there are many different types of difficult conversations but I am referring to those when you have a reasonable management request, and you ask your team member to do that and they come back with ‘No’ or excuses as to why not to do it – when faced with this you need to be firm, or assertive!

I see it often when the tables are turned and the team members are telling the Manager what they will or will not do or when the team members says ‘yes’ to a request but then goes above the Manager’s head to get another answer. Whatever the scenario, it contributes to creating a culture of, ‘It doesn’t matter what I do, there will be no consequences’ or ‘I will just say No and I’ll get my own way or go above and say No to them.’ And it does happen and it spreads throughout the organisation quickly. Aside from the culture and the business being impacted on, Managers don’t have the respect of their team.

I must admit that it is not always because Managers have trouble having difficult conversations. It is also because there is another issue going on, the team member feeling ‘stressed’ for example, and therefore puts the Manager in a position where they feel as though their hands are tied as they don’t want to exacerbate another issue. However, don’t forget; it’s unacceptable for a team member to not follow a reasonable management request and if it’s a reasonable management request and done in a reasonable way, it’s reasonable so don’t fear.

Assertiveness is important for leaders especially when having these difficult conversations and they come back and say ‘No’! Assertiveness allows a Manager to provide constructive feedback and set clear expectations. Maybe you are saying the right things, but are you using the right words to say them? This can make a difference to the outcome of the conversation and make a difficult conversation far less difficult. Some tips to be more assertive are:

• Use facts instead of judgement
• Don’t exaggerate
• Use ‘I’ not ‘you’
• Express thoughts & opinions reflecting ownership
• Prepare first

Don’t be scared of being assertive, you can still do it nicely and don’t be scared to get some advice, you might just find that it is all easier than what you think and / or fear.

At HR Business Direction we can assist with having these difficult conversations.

 

Leisa Messer BBus(HRM); GradDipIR; CAHRI; IRSQ
Managing Director | HR Strategist
leisa.messer@hrbd.com.au
07 3890 2066
www.hrbd.com.au